Do I miss drinking alcohol?

I recently took a trip to France (my husband's home country) to visit his family and vacation. 

And when most people think of France, they think of WINE! And they're not wrong. 🍷😆

Drinking is definitely a HUGE part of their culture there. They have: 

• wine with lunch
• champagne or an 'aperitif' before dinner (which is alcohol consumed before eating to stimulate the appetite 🤷‍♀️)
• wine with dinner 
• and a 'digestif' after dinner (which is alcohol consumed after eating to aid in digestion 🤷‍♀️)

Even though I haven't drank alcohol in 5 years thanks to The Sinclair Method – every single time I visit I am offered at least one drink on a daily basis (usually because we are with different people who aren't aware that I do not drink).

In fact, just the other day on the flight home, the stewardess on Air France offered me drinks 2 or 3 times...then after I kept refusing, she eventually gave me 2 bottles of liqueur to take home as a souvenir (she was very kind and super perplexed that I didn't want a "free" drink lol).     

Needless to say, the French are usually confused when I tell them I don't drink...they don't know how to react. 😆

"Even just a little bit to try it?" is something they often say.

Or, they pour me some champagne, an aperitif or digestif thinking that somehow doesn't mean "alcohol." LOL.

Or, they think I mean I just don't want to drink "right now" and I will want one later in the day.

I say this lovingly and find myself laughing at the situation because it has become something I have come to expect....and because of TSM, it's really easy for me to turn down drinks, over and over and over again.

So, do I "miss" drinking alcohol?

The short answer is that 99% of the time, no, I do not miss drinking, and 1% of the time, I miss it...but only a little. Let me explain. 

Why I don't miss alcohol 99% of the time

As you all know, with TSM, I *can* drink if I want to –– so alcohol is no longer this "forbidden fruit." In fact, I still keep naltrexone on hand just in case I have a strong desire to drink again one day. But to be honest, I haven't had a strong desire to drink since I stopped drinking in 2018...so I haven't needed the nal.

[Side note: I never intended to quit drinking with TSM. My goal for a year on the treatment was to drink moderately –– which I did and which was INCREDIBLE. ✨ But the longer I was on the treatment, I just completely lost interest in drinking. I couldn't motivate or even force myself to drink anymore....I just had zero desire. Which led to me going alcohol-free "accidentally" about a year after I started the treatment.]

Most of the time, the thought of drinking alcohol repulses me. It just does not sound appealing at all, even if I try really hard to imagine myself enjoying my old favorite glass of wine or neat whisky. I think about it –– trying to remember what I enjoyed about it –– and nothing comes. It's like that part of my memory with alcohol has been erased somehow (through pharmacological extinction).

An analogy I often use is that I've never been a cigarette smoker. So if I try to imagine myself enjoying a cigarette –– I can't –– nothing registers because I've never experienced it before. I have no emotion or desire to have a cigarette at all, and the thought of it sounds gross. So even though I did experience alcohol use disorder for nearly a decade –– it's almost like it's been removed from my brain....this is the miracle of TSM. 🙌

Why I do miss alcohol 1% of the time

I'm not going to lie – there is a part of me that wishes I never experienced alcohol use disorder (AUD) –– and I realize I am probably not alone in that feeling!

While in France I met a woman in her 70s who told me she loves to drink, but she can never have more than 2. She said it's like a wall goes up and she's just done. She said she can count the number of times she has over-drank on one hand –– and in her whole life, she never had any issue with controlling her alcohol consumption.  [Side note: I asked her if she has a history of AUD in her family and she said no, which I found interesting.]

A part of me wished I was like her. 

Sometimes I wish I didn't need a medicine to help me have control. Sometimes I wish I could be a "normal drinker" naturally. 

These are times that I "romanticize" and "miss" drinking alcohol. 

But as I mentioned above, when I think about drinking alcohol in this way –– that's where the repulsion for alcohol comes in, so the desire or craving isn't even really there.

So I think for me –– the times I miss drinking is more of the "idea" of just being a normal drinker who never had such a dark history with alcohol. 

But even when I do miss drinking 1% of the time, the desire for a drink is so weak that it's more of a passing thought than anything else.

Sure, it'd be nice to be a "normal drinker" like the woman I described above –– but I also don't think it would add anything meaningful or substantial to my life. So I find myself at peace with it. And, I can't help but often think about my dark past with alcohol –– and how I NEVER want to go back there again. So this too is a powerful reminder for me about how destructive alcohol was for me before TSM.

I know this peace and freedom I feel around alcohol would not be possible without pharmacological extinction and TSM. I genuinely feel like the alcohol addiction part of my brain has been erased. 🧠🔄 And this feels more and more true the more that time passes. 

I also feel "relapse-proof" –– meaning that I don't ever fear that I will return to my former-AUD self. I did not have this same confidence before TSM –– even though I attempted to quit drinking dozens of times before I learned about naltrexone. I know with TSM that if I decide to have a drink again one day –– that one drink won't lead to a binder. It might lead to 2 drinks, lol.

I'm so grateful for the freedom of this method... I hope this encourages you and gives you something to look forward to in the future –– whether your goal is a moderate drinking or alcohol-free lifestyle.

Cheers,

Katie