My Mental Obsession With Drinking Alcohol

It’s wild how a simple photo can bring back such a flood of memories. Looking at this picture, you’d never know how much I was struggling with alcohol at the time. I remember being on this boat, surrounded by beauty and friends, but all I could think about was drinking.

This was in Lake Tahoe—a gorgeous weekend getaway with friends I’d consider “normal drinkers.” I told myself it would be good to travel with them because maybe it would help me stay in check and not binge. But I had no idea how strong my cravings would be.

One night, the six of us were sitting at dinner with just one bottle of wine on the table and one unopened bottle left. I felt panicked. The thought of only getting one glass, maybe two, felt like torture. I wanted so much more.

At one point, I was so desperate I rummaged through my friend’s RV, looking for alcohol. I found an unopened bottle of tequila and spent hours obsessing over how I could open it without anyone noticing. Eventually, I casually suggested we should “celebrate” with shots—convincing her it would add to the fun. Only me and one other person actually took a shot, while the rest thought it was odd to drink tequila in the middle of the day in such a serene setting.

I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment when my friend carefully tucked the tequila bottle away, as if one shot was more than enough. For her, it probably was—but for me, that single shot barely scratched the surface. If the chance had been there (and I secretly hoped it would be), I would have eagerly poured myself several more.

The truth is, my mind was tortured all weekend. I wanted to drink the way I normally did—not just a couple of small glasses of wine or one shot of tequila. By the time I got home, I was relieved to crack open my bottle of wine and comforted by knowing I had a bottle of whiskey stashed in the cabinet.

One of the greatest gifts of naltrexone and the Sinclair Method (TSM) is that it frees your mind from the obsession with alcohol. It’s unbelievably freeing to no longer panic about not having enough to drink, to no longer feel the need to sneak alcohol and keep secrets.

I’ve had people reach out to me who are two years sober (through abstinence/willpower) and tell me they still think about drinking every day. That would’ve been me, for sure. Before TSM, I made it six months sober once, but every single day was a battle. I constantly wanted to drink—it was exhausting.

TSM is so different. It doesn’t just change your drinking; it changes your life.

Cheers,
Katie